1v - Winning Choices - You Are Who You Think You Are
Winning Choices - You Are Who You Think You Are
“In every child who is born, under no matter what circumstances, and of no matter what parents, the potentiality of the human race is born again”. – James Agee
I had been volunteering a couple of nights a week at Covenant House, a shelter for homeless, street kids in the Times Square area in Manhattan, for a few years now and was running a little late getting there that evening. At the time I was an accounting systems sales manager training new sales people to cold call offices in the area, and normally liked to get to the shelter before seven P.M. so I would have a good 2-3 hours with the kids before they closed up for the night. It was almost 10 when I arrived and they were already doing the nightly roll call and brief meeting downstairs as I came in the door. Not wanting to interrupt what was already going on; I just slipped off to the side as quietly as I could. As I listened to the “wrap up for the day” proceedings, I noticed a particularly tough looking kid I didn’t recognize, casting curious and intense glances in my direction. He appeared just uncomfortable and disheveled enough to be a new resident, so he apparently was trying to size up his surroundings. A few moments later, he suddenly walked around the outskirts of the meeting and was standing next to me with a question. He gave me a cool, guarded look and asked, “You Donald Trump”? Well, I was wearing a new suit and tie and my hair was kind of weird from the wind outside, so I guess it wasn’t too crazy a question. Not able to resist the opportunity to be a billionaire for a moment, I answered yes. The kid took a step back and said “Wow! What are you doing here”? Quickly, I laughed and confessed, telling him, thanks for the compliment but I was just a sales manager who volunteered nights here at Covenant House.
I introduced myself and held out my hand. He took the handshake but didn’t offer his name. He asked once again, rather tersely but with genuine curiosity, “Why are you here? I realized that my feeble attempts at instant camaraderie had flopped so I just answered the question. I told him I had been a volunteer now for a few years and I enjoyed the time here helping out. Unfortunately, street kids are both exploited and exploiters and don’t run in to too many people who don’t have a dark ulterior motive for “trying to help”, so he asked another question as if I hadn’t answered the first one. “You get paid for being here”? I said “No, I’m a volunteer”. He squinted at me like I was either a sap or a psycho. Like many of the kids of the mean streets of Times Square area, volunteerism was an alien concept to him. He distrusted everyone here and the notion that someone one do something for nothing, so he changed the subject.
He told me that he had thought at one time in his life, (he was 18) that he would like to be a sales man but had given up on the idea. I asked why and he said, “Oh, a lot of reasons”. “Like what”, I said. Looking a little sheepish about it he said, “Well, unless you are really, really good at selling you can’t make much money”. I said, “I don’t know how good I am but I do OK with the money”, and told him what I made, which wasn’t too bad at the time and he was surprised. His eyes opened up a bit and then he offered another reason; that he was sure you had to be well educated and that he had quit school. I told him I had quit school too, got my GED in the Army, and got my first sales job while I was attending college nights for nine years. He thought about this for a second and then I saw him grouping for something else. “Yeah man”, he countered. But I’m on the streets, been on the streets for years. I couldn’t stay home. My old man’s all messed up with his drinking and didn’t like me too much. It’s tough getting yourself together, and don’t anybody want anything to do with you if you lived on the streets. You know, they don’t trust you and kinda look down on you. Forget them, anyway”.
I realized at that moment that he was attempting to rationalize the fact that he had quit on himself and his potential. He was being amazingly open with someone he had just met. Street kids can be like that. They need to talk sometimes. I knew that. I answered sympathetically but matter of fact that I had been homeless and living on the streets for years when I was younger then he, and that most people and employers (if they knew) would give a lot of credit to someone who managed to “get off the streets” and make a life for themselves. Having been where he was, (it seemed not that long ago), I understood his lack of confidence and recognized his false bravado. If you think you can’t have it, then of course, you don’t want it anyway. I said, “I understand its hard doing what it takes to get back on your feet, but right now my friend, the only thing keeping you on the street is you. It’s you looking down on yourself. My dad was a drinker who forced me to leave too. He didn’t dislike me and your father doesn’t dislike you. They pretty much don’t like themselves, but the drink makes them focus on you. You can’t let that stuff hold you down. That’s your father’s problem not yours. You’ve got a dream, or something you want to do, you’ve got to envision it, figure out how you can get to it, plan it and make it happen. If you’re waiting for someone to come along, snatch you off the street and say, this guy’s a nice person and its not his fault he’s on the street, let’s make him a salesman; you’ll be waiting forever. I used to think that way when I was in your shoes. Took me a while to realize no one was showing up. It was all on me”.
Becoming a little defensive and annoyed with “Mr. Trump”, he kind of dismissed me and said, “Yeah OK, man, you pulled yourself up, but you can’t get no sales job if you don’t know how to sell.” I’ve never sold nothing’”. Fully engaged now, I replied, “You just think you never sold anything. You’re selling yourself to yourself and everyone around you everyday just to survive. You’ve already got the aptitude and the confidence, believe me. You just need the will, and then you can get the skill. I was a laborer till I was thirty; decided sales could give me a better life and never looked back. I sold myself to the employers and than they taught me how to sell products to others. You don’t need to know everything; you just need to find people who will teach you what you need to know. The best sales people I’ve known have been street people”. My Covenant House questioner took a step to the side, responding as he gave me a kind of glancing look over his shoulder. “You really think you are Donald Trump, don’t you”, he said sarcastically but not harshly. “You think you have all the answers”. Just then the meeting ended and the residents and staff started moving to their floors, and the volunteers started leaving the shelter. It was time to go. As he was walking away, I said after him, “No, I’ve just been where you are now. You didn’t ask but I’m going to tell you now, what someone told me then”. He stopped walking, turned and waited. I walked a little closer so as not to shout and said, “You’ve got every reason in the world to be screwed up, but no excuse. It’s all on you. When I finally understood that, I began to shake off the streets and make a life. You will too”. He turned and went upstairs.
With that I left Covenant House for the night and, as I did each night after volunteering, joined some of my fellow volunteers down at the Blarney Stone to have an Irish beer and share the stories of our night at the shelter. It always helped us answer some questions or quell some fears we might have about how we handled a situation, and it felt good to share with each other how enriched we felt at being with the kids and staff of covenant house. It always put our lives in the proper perspective. I had a great story to share that evening.
I saw the “I used to want to be a salesman” kid a few times in the next week at the gym and cafeteria but we didn’t talk. We just said hello. Then I didn’t see him for a few weeks so I asked one of the kids I saw him sitting with once, if he knew anything. Turns out, this kid didn’t know his name either, but our friend mentioned to him that he had gone on an interview, had done really well and wouldn’t have to stay here anymore. “Wow, I said to my self, I’ve got to wear that suit more often”.
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“Judge a man by his questions rather than his answer.” - Voltaire
“The impossible is often the untried.” – Jim Goodwin